I'll always be terrible at goodbyes.

It's happening. The end. It's here. The journey ends tomorrow night. Saturday morning I'll be on a Virgin Atlantic flight across the ocean. Back home. I imagine that mostly everything will be the same, except for me. I've experienced the world, acquired a new independence and learned immensely about myself.

I don't know what I was expecting to learn from this experience. To be honest, I think I mostly hoping to travel and see Europe. I found that once I was in London, I didn't want to leave. I just wanted to see every part of the city. I'm leaving tomorrow after three months and I still feel like there are a million places in London I didn't see. And that's not for a lack of trying.

London has taught me so many things, some of which I'm sure I won't discover until I am back home. I've learned how to communicate better; Brits speak differently to one another, so that was a communication barrier from the beginning. I've learned and truly believe I can do whatever I set my mind to. When I first decided to study abroad I told myself I didn't want to not do it because I was too scared. That's a terrible reason to not do something. But now, I've done what I was so nervous about doing. The day I left, I was tearing up in the airport (trying to hide it of course so I wasn't dubbed "the girl crying in the airport in Newark") because I was so nervous. After a few incredible months, I can say I've lived in a foreign country on my own. I came here with no one and have developed friendships that will last years. Not being able to call home, especially Caleb, when I freaked about getting lost on the tube or frustrations at work (I have distinct memories of both of these specific circumstances) has taught me that I can handle things on my own. I can take a breath and just deal with it. I don't need to have someone else tell me I can do it. I've gained a new confidence in myself that I have never experienced before. I've also experienced a new faith and trust in God. I've truly enjoyed Hillsong every Sunday and as I'm writing this part, tears are filling my eyes. I've genuinely enjoyed that part of the journey more than almost anything. Last Sunday at my last service I cried the entire way through. During my internship, I've discovered I want to work in a field that creates positive experiences for people. I want to be a part of an organization that gives people a memory that will last forever. I still have no idea what that means exactly, but I know that I want my life to help create amazing memories and experiences for others. I'll figure out the rest of my career dreams eventually.

I've also learned that "I'll always be terrible at goodbyes." I think I've learned that about myself. (I also think I got that my Dad!) In the back of my mind, I think I always knew that about myself but now I know it's truth. I'm terrible, plain and simple. I'm not good at leaving things at mean a lot to me. London will forever be one of these things to me. Tomorrow I've got to say goodbye to the two women who I have experienced it all with: being tourists, getting lost, laughter, lots of food, market shopping, some tears, being people who give directions instead of asking for them, taking a ridiculous amount of photos, going out dancing, having adventures and making memories I'll cherish forever. The thought of saying goodbye to them is so incredibly sad. I think that's why I've avoided writing this week. I don't want it to be over, yet at the same time I'm so ready to get home. It's an unexplainable combination.

I've experienced and learned things that I could have never done at Butler. I feel so priveledged and lucky to have had this opportunity. I'd like to thank my parents and Nana for making this all possible. I wouldn't trade it for the world.